on love and glory...

There's this song I've been listening to on repeat for about a day. I've heard it before many times, but I've been thinking about it much today. A line or two especially stands out, but here are the lyrics:

"If to distant lands I scatter, if I sail to farthest seas, would you find and firm and gather, 'till I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures, would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after, 'till I only dwell in Thee?
If my heart has one ambition, if my soul one goal to seek: this my solitary vision, 'till I only dwell in Thee..."
(Hymn by Brooke Fraser)

The line that especially stands out to me is this: "If I flee from greenest pastures, would you leave to look for me? Forfeit glory to come after, 'till I only dwell in Thee?" I know that when I ask those questions of the Lord, the answer is an unhesitating 'yes.'

Forfeit glory?? What?

Somehow, I think we (myself included) sometimes casually throw around the idea that Jesus came to earth. And died. For us. Maybe we've heard it so much that it's just become something that we can be nonchalant about. Maybe it's too distant to be a reality to our hearts. I don't know, but I do know this: I've had a fresh revelation of His sacrifice and love.

So, being a girl, one of the biggest desires of my heart is to be pursued, adored, and loved completely for the person that I am. I want someone to be willing to do anything for me, just because I mean that much. I would like to be fought for and pursued and shown that I'm worth it in a thousand ways. One of the biggest ways that I look for that is in people who are willing to serve me. I know some fantastic people/guys, many of whom will do lots of servant-y things for me. They help me move. They help me pick out electronics I know nothing about. They run errands for me. They make me laugh when I've had a crappy day. Yet how many guys do I know that are willing to serve me no matter what the cost? Zilch. Every single one of those guys is willing to serve when the reward is great... when it's easy and there's very little sacrifice involved. Maybe they get to be the hero, maybe a bunch of people will notice, or maybe there is a sweet payoff in the end. Either way, the definition of "servant" is lacking because the motive is not love. Which is sometimes frustrating to me, because my heart would like to be genuinely served even when it's hard and the rewards aren't immenent or obvious.

But here's the thing: Jesus loves me like that. I know it sounds cheesy and maybe cliche, but stick with me.

He forfeited GLORY. Now that is the kind of servanthood I'm talking about. There is something straight up epic about a kind of love that would bring Him out of heaven... where He was God... to become a baby. Goodbye glory. Goodbye millions of angels and heavenly creatures worshipping you for all eternity. Literally, He was on top of the world, with everything at His feet. And His choice? To give it all up and become a human baby. Hello suffering. Hello pain. Hello entropy and the need to shower. God chose to become totally dependent on others. There is no glory to being a human in a fallen world. And even more so as a baby... goodbye authority of any kind.

God chose diapers.
Over the glory of heaven.
For me.


That kind of love makes me cry.

How can I even consider not giving a love like that my everything?

love means to love that which is unlovable, or it is no virtue at all...

Today was a day of errand running and lessons learned. I stopped by the local Super Target to get a couple things (and ended up buying new clothes because they were having a MEGA sale… I got a shirt for 87 cents. 87 CENTS! Anyways…). There were several screaming obnoxious children in various parts of the store, but one kid was really outstanding. I wasn’t entirely sure where in the store he was, but I did know that I could hear him no matter where I was (in SUPER Target… just make note). Because the pitch of his voice, most of his words were totally inaudible, but I could make out a frequent repetition of “I want it!!!! I want it!!!!!!!” followed by loud wailing. Seriously, this kid was good. Apparently his temper tantrum wasn’t getting him what he wanted, though, because he continued screaming, wailing, and crying for a good ten minutes. I could see the other customers exchanging glances and making faces. When I got up to the register to pay, this kid ended up being the next cashier over. Whatever he wanted, he wanted bad; as him mom (who looked uber annoyed/embarrassed) tried to push her cart to the door, he flung himself in front of the cart. When that didn’t work, he tried pushing the cart backwards, screaming, “NO! Don’t leave!!!!! I want it!!!!” As I walked out to my car, I could still hear him, but this time it sounded like he had stopped fighting and dissolved into open sobbing. Poor little guy… he must have felt like the world could no longer continue as he knew it.

Later tonight, the Lord brought that image back to me. He very gently (such a gentleman) pointed out to me that I often was that little boy. Everybody in the store (especially his mom, I’m sure) was aware that he probably didn’t need whatever he wanted. Maybe it was candy or junk food or a toy that would end up lost under his bed in three days time. Maybe it was something that would straight up do him harm. Who knows. But the fact was that his mom knew it wasn’t the best for him. Maybe something better would come along… a more fantastic toy at home or a more satisfying snack. Or maybe he wouldn’t get a replacement to sooth the heartache he had felt leaving whatever he desired behind. But however it worked out – his mom refused because she deemed it was for his BEST. Hmmmm… How often do I throw an inward temper tantrum over what I want, dissolving to heartache and tears because I’ve so convinced myself that this object of my affection is necessary for happiness? I frequently cause myself much more pain by refusing to let go. But how childish! To scream and wail over something I want, when I serve a God Who desires to give me the best, Who dreams bigger than I ever could, and Who knows what I truly need. Sometimes, though, that knowledge doesn’t make it any less painful… sometimes what I want just seems so good. Perhaps, though, that is the lesson I must learn: trusting through the pain, choosing sacrifice and growth over immediate gratification, and opting to trust in a Redeemer Who only has good things for me. The reward? HIS best – probably not at all what I expect or think I need, but in the end the greatest gift and biggest dream. And really, isn’t that what I ultimately want? I think yes!

Oh, for grace for the journey…

sometimes, it seems as though no one gets it...

...which is probably true. Although there are a select few, I'd say most do not...

Earlier this week, I asked a friend of mine how her vacation to the Carribean was, to which she replied, "better than your trip to Haiti! It was so relaxing and nice." Of course, I understand her reasoning... and I'm sure that her trip was "better" in the sense that she likely had heated running water and classy food and cush accommodations. But, somehow, it's come to be that I'd take a tent city in Port au Prince or an African slum over a Carribean cruise ANY day...

What is it about the third world that makes me feel so much more at home than in the States? I don't really know - my only answer is simply that I was made for it. But in an attempt to convey my love for the third world, I'll try to make it more clear.

I love the smell of the third world. Weird, I know. I remember not being so fond of this smell the first couple of times I was in Kenya. BO, burning trash, dirty animals, and cooking spices is not, I admit, a pleasant combination. And I discovered this smell is not limited to Africa, but also exists in the DR and Haiti (and the rest of the third world, I imagine)... and I love it. It's a constant, ever present reminder that my heart can rest, my soul can rejoice 'cuz I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

I love sketchy. I do. And all of the variables in the third world mean that it's just a tad sketchy almost all of the time, and I love that. I haven't always. But the third world just has so many adventures that you would never even imagine in the States. Often - to me, at least - it feels as though I get to do so much more living... but I suppose my definition of life is different than many others...

Somehow, it's come to be that I'm so much more at home in the third world...

Update... I'm not going to Haiti....

Hey friends!

I so appreciate all your prayers and support, but I'm not going to Haiti this time around. I couldn't get work off, so I'm hoping to go on a future trip. I'm super sad, but trusting that HE has got this whole thing figured out, even when it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. He is a good and faithful God!

I'll definitely keep you all updated - thanks for the prayers and support!

I'm going to Haiti!!

Hey friends!!

I'm going to Haiti in March, and I'm looking for people to join me in prayer! I don't know dates yet, just that it will be in mid or late march. But here's what I know: I'll be going for ten ish days with nine other nurses and nursing students to help with the medical relief effort in Haiti. We'll be working with an organization called NOAH (I think it's the national organization for advancement of Haitians) that has been working on the ground in Haiti since before the earthquake. I'm stoked - this is why I'm in nursing school!! Expenses will be covered, I just need to get myself to Miami and get my immunizations (which, thankfully, I don't really need many) - so expenses are pretty much taken care of! Praise the Lord!

So - back to where you come in! Could you please be praying with me over this trip?? Here are my main prayer points thus far:
- I need to get my shifts covered at work! I'm working at New Life Church - initially they said that I would have to get my shifts covered to go. We may not have a whole lot of notice before the trip, and New Life's Easter production is the last weekend in march, so it may be hard for me to get shifts covered, especially if it's last minute and over the Easter production weekend. So pray for provision there and for grace from my boss!!! I'm trusting that it will work out - as I know I'm supposed to go!
- The majority of those on the team are not believers, and the organization we're working with is not faith based - so the dynamics of the trip will be a little different than a 'mission trip.' Our leader is a believer (yay!), and I'm excited for opportunities with those on the team as well as Haitians!
- Obviously - pray for Haiti! My heart is broken for this nation, and I'm praying that the Lord will give me His heart for these people. I'm praying that He will be their LIFE and BREATH!

And of course there are many more things, so pray as you are lead! And THANK YOU! I so appreciate your prayers!
Blessings,
Arienne :)