Today was a day of errand running and lessons learned. I stopped by the local Super Target to get a couple things (and ended up buying new clothes because they were having a MEGA sale… I got a shirt for 87 cents. 87 CENTS! Anyways…). There were several screaming obnoxious children in various parts of the store, but one kid was really outstanding. I wasn’t entirely sure where in the store he was, but I did know that I could hear him no matter where I was (in SUPER Target… just make note). Because the pitch of his voice, most of his words were totally inaudible, but I could make out a frequent repetition of “I want it!!!! I want it!!!!!!!” followed by loud wailing. Seriously, this kid was good. Apparently his temper tantrum wasn’t getting him what he wanted, though, because he continued screaming, wailing, and crying for a good ten minutes. I could see the other customers exchanging glances and making faces. When I got up to the register to pay, this kid ended up being the next cashier over. Whatever he wanted, he wanted bad; as him mom (who looked uber annoyed/embarrassed) tried to push her cart to the door, he flung himself in front of the cart. When that didn’t work, he tried pushing the cart backwards, screaming, “NO! Don’t leave!!!!! I want it!!!!” As I walked out to my car, I could still hear him, but this time it sounded like he had stopped fighting and dissolved into open sobbing. Poor little guy… he must have felt like the world could no longer continue as he knew it.
Later tonight, the Lord brought that image back to me. He very gently (such a gentleman) pointed out to me that I often was that little boy. Everybody in the store (especially his mom, I’m sure) was aware that he probably didn’t need whatever he wanted. Maybe it was candy or junk food or a toy that would end up lost under his bed in three days time. Maybe it was something that would straight up do him harm. Who knows. But the fact was that his mom knew it wasn’t the best for him. Maybe something better would come along… a more fantastic toy at home or a more satisfying snack. Or maybe he wouldn’t get a replacement to sooth the heartache he had felt leaving whatever he desired behind. But however it worked out – his mom refused because she deemed it was for his BEST. Hmmmm… How often do I throw an inward temper tantrum over what I want, dissolving to heartache and tears because I’ve so convinced myself that this object of my affection is necessary for happiness? I frequently cause myself much more pain by refusing to let go. But how childish! To scream and wail over something I want, when I serve a God Who desires to give me the best, Who dreams bigger than I ever could, and Who knows what I truly need. Sometimes, though, that knowledge doesn’t make it any less painful… sometimes what I want just seems so good. Perhaps, though, that is the lesson I must learn: trusting through the pain, choosing sacrifice and growth over immediate gratification, and opting to trust in a Redeemer Who only has good things for me. The reward? HIS best – probably not at all what I expect or think I need, but in the end the greatest gift and biggest dream. And really, isn’t that what I ultimately want? I think yes!
Oh, for grace for the journey…
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