Ordained Suffering

What does it mean that I serve a God who ordains suffering?  Who has and will ordain suffering in my life?  This isn’t exactly a message that has been preached at many of the churches I’ve attended.  I can’t say it’s something we spend a lot of time talking about in small groups or Bible studies.  Oh, I know that I serve a God who makes “all things work together for my good.”  It’s easy to name and claim that one.  And it’s true: I serve a warrior God, one who rises up and defends me.  He fights my battles and shelters me under His wing.  But He also ordains suffering in my life… sometimes He simply stays with me through the storm, instead of simply commanding it to cease.  Often I must fight my own battles.  While I know he could rise to my defense for every storm or pain or struggle that came my way and rid of it, He chooses not to.  He chooses not to.

He promises that all things work together for my good.  He promises that He only has the best for me.  Yet He allows and sometimes brings suffering into my life.  My flesh imagines this to be a contradiction, that somehow by “good” and “best” He must mean “easy” and “painless.”  But not true!  His ways are higher and greater than mine, and I deny His sovereignty when I limit His plans to my minute understanding.  We are never promised that life would be easy or that our struggles and issues and problems in this world would be erased once we chose to follow Him.  In fact, it’s the opposite.  We are told that we will have trouble, that we will be hated by the world (as Jesus was).  Are we promised joy and peace regardless of how crappy life gets? Yes.  Provision?  Absolutely.  God promises to be our portion… enough to sustain us.  He does not promise a lifetime of abundance or wealth or perfect health.  He promises to sustain, to be our portion and our delight.

What does this mean for me in this moment?  It means that right now, He would rather I be devastatingly lonely but fully His.  He wants me to run to His heart first.  If that means that He must block my other go-to’s, He will.  Like in Hosea, where God says that He will draw His bride to the desert, that He will block her preferred paths with thorn bushes.  The dessert is certainly not a place of abundance.  I imagine it is a place of misery, of never being able to escape the heat, being desperate for water, and exhausted.  Yet God says this is where His bride will remember Him and turn to Him, where she will realize that all of her good things come from Him.  She will renew her love and give herself to Him… in the desert.  Not in the most beautiful room of an exotic palace.  Not a cozy, comfy location where abundance abounds.  No, her love is most focused on her God when she is in a place of desperation and suffering.  Does He leave her there?  Certainly not.  But our God knows that lessons are learned in the desert.  That sometimes my heart only listens when I’m alone and desperate and all my options and other gods have been exhausted.  So why would I ever refuse the honor of pursuing His best for me – even if that includes suffering – by rebuking all the troubles and pain and suffering I’m faced with in this world?  Being lonely hurts.  It sucks.  But here, in this broken place, is where I’ve realized (again) that He is the only place my restless heart finds rest.  That I’m dying for something more and not finding it.  That the love I’m looking for is not to be found on this earth, not outside of His hand.  His exposure of the things I pursue for fulfillment hurts.  It’s disappointing and painful and terrifying.  But He would prefer that I have an aching heart that is His than a blindly content heart that is broken in its pursuit of things other than Him.  He doesn’t take the pain away.  Or provide all the answers.  I serve a God who is much more interested in making me fully His that in my comfort.  Yet in the pursuit of being fully His, I will find my portion, my delight, my hope.  That is what I want.  More than I want a cush life devoid of struggles, more than I want the desires of my heart, I want to find in Him my portion.  To live knowing that simply He is enough.  I don’t know that yet.  It’s easy to say, but I haven’t learned to make it one of the deep convictions of my heart.

You, my Lord, are amazing.  It baffles my mind to think of some of the many things You are to me:  loving, warrior, defender, joy, peace, hope, delight, rest, suffering ordain-er.  I want whatever you have for me.  Including the parts that are painful and scary because I know that You are better than anything I could come up with by myself.  

“Your love tears me up and when it’s done puts me back together

Your love calls me out of my death and my failure…”

Enough

I'm thankful that when I'm not selfless enough, not steadfast enough, not giving enough, not focused enough, when I'm broken and confused and distracted and selfish, when I forget to yearn... even in all of those times, I'm thankful that You are enough.  That Your grace is enough, and that it is new every morning.

I don't deserve it.  I did absolutely nothing to earn it.  Teach me to abandon this selfish pride, this desire to serve only myself.  Teach me to surrender my brokenness instead of trying to hide it.

Thank you for all sufficient, abounding grace.  Thank you that it will be new tomorrow.  Thank you for being steadfast in your pursuit of me even when I am not.

"The Lord always keeps His promises; He is gracious in all He does."
- Psalms 145:13

"'But then I will win her back once again.
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her there.
When that day comes,' says the Lord,
'you will call me "my husband"
instead of "my master."
I will wipe the many names of Baal from your lips,
and you will never mention them again.
I will make you my wife forever,
showing you righteousness and justice,
unfailing love and compassion.
I will be faithful to you and make you mine,
and you will finally know me as the Lord.'"
- Hosea 2:14, 16-17, 19-20

good gifts vs the best gifts... and yes i realize this is a recurring theme

Recently I've been thinking alot about good gifts and the best gifts. It seems there is a (quickly growing) movement that is kinda lumped into the 'prosperity gospel.' Basically, it says that Jesus wants us to always be healthy/happy, well provided for, and have healthy, great relationships. All the time.

Now, I don't completely disagree. Jesus wants to give us good gifts. Does he want us to constantly be sick, starving, poor, and surrounded by dysfunctional relationships? Absolutely not. But nowhere, ever, did He promise that life would be perfect and struggle-free.

We live in a fallen world. We sin. There is sickness, imperfection, poverty, and weakness everywhere in this world. God empowers us to overcome (through the blood of His Son - not through any power or effort of our own), but that doesn't mean that the consequences of a fallen world disappear.

God desires to give us the BEST gift, not just something we can get by with. Often, though, His definition of 'best' is very different from ours. I know that His 'best' does not mean that everyone will always be wealthy, healthy, and happy. Those are not necessarily bad things, but He tells us to take up our cross daily... that's an instrument of torture. Yes, He gives us grace, peace, joy, and strength for the journey, but never a promise that things will be easy. Never a promise that He will erase every struggle we'll ever encounter. That was never part of the deal.

Sometimes, I think his best is found in the midst of the struggle. How else do we learn perseverance, faith, trust, endurance, and steadfastness? How do we learn to always hold fast to His hand if the path is always easy? How do we know that He is our strength if we never suffer? How do we develop the character He desires us to learn without the lessons? There are refinements that can never happen without the fire.

Working in health care, I think I have an interesting take on health and healing. Modern medicine is a gift, one that I think the Lord uses frequently to heal, minister, and draw others into Himself. Ultimately, though, He is the only true healer. Can He heal without modern medicine? Absolutely. Does He? Often, when we ask, and sometimes when we don't. Will He heal every time we ask? No. He is a sovereign God who's ways are greater, and He cannot be limited to a formula or restricted to our version of absolutes.

My thought is this: sometimes, the greater gift is found in the struggle, in the denial of our request for healing, or in the continued storm, despite our prayer for relief.

When I say that I want His best, I surrender my desire for comfort or ease. Comfort, safety, and security is a stupid request if I have decided to follow the Lord. When I choose to follow Him, it means I follow wherever He leads, whether that be to the desert, the mountains, a place of suffering and struggle, or a place of joy. I don't get to decide. I don't get to say that because I am a servant with given authority I get to pray away every difficulty or struggle or sickness.

I am mortal. His ways are higher and so much greater. I don't want to limit Him by fixating on what I think is best. His best is something far bigger than anything I could imagine, and is sometimes found in ways I can't understand or see. Therefore, my only response is complete surrender. Even when it hurts. Even when it seems like everything is wrong and I can't imagine where the good is. I choose to trust Him and His word above all else.

So, Lord, teach me to walk the path you lay out for me... no matter where it leads. Kill this pride in me that thinks I sometimes know best. I walk in your authority... never in my own. You know best. I choose to trust and walk in that. Mold this heart and this life into what you desire. I am completely yours.

good gifts and sunshine

so i realize this is a recurrent lesson for me... i tend to learn it repeatedly, each time at new depths (thankfully). but ponder this thought with me:

"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed." - Francis Chan

while i'm not necessarily a 'worrier' (i tend to be pretty happy/optimistic about, well, everything), i do like to be in control. i would like a plan and a head's up and to know everyone's intentions from the get go. so when i see something that i want or get it in my head that i need something... it tends to sorta stick around. while i do trust - i know that HE is in control and has my best on His heart and mind - it's sometimes tricky for me to fully apply this in a practical sense.

so here i go, stressing that maybe things won't work out the way i think they should. maybe i won't get what i want. maybe i'll be hurt or disappointed in the end. it happens (often, for me, because i so often see people for who i think they were made to be instead of who they are currently. anyways...). but how often am i distracted by what i want? i waste emotional energy wishing, all the while forgetting that my purpose here is not to be happy or to acquire everything that looks good to me. joy? yes, i've been promised that no matter the circumstances. but that means trusting even when the things i want are withheld. even when i have to walk through the hurt or disappointment, knowing that i serve a God who desires to give good gifts and will ultimately give me the BEST gift - IF i wait on His timing and trust and follow and seek His face. and truly, i want His best... i ache for His presence. i want those gifts that He has planned for me, but sometimes it is so hard to trust that whatever He has could be better than what i see. silly, but my finite mind thinks that maybe it would just be best to take matters into my own hands. which (so far in my experience) ALWAYS ends up without satisfaction. why? because my heart only rests when walking with my Creator. He is my portion and my joy and my life. away from Him i'd be wandering aimlessly forever, seeking out something to satisfy this ache in my heart.

it's hard. it hurts to walk away from something that looks good. but in the grand scheme of things, why the heck am i wasting time longing for something that i know isn't for my ultimate good? especially when i could be pouring that energy and passion into something eternal. like loving people without expecting something in return. or praying for the things i have on my heart. or learning to sacrifice for His cause. i want this life to be spent - not on childish emotions wanting what i want, but sacrificing all that i am for His Kingdom.

i'm trying to learn. i'm aching to know what to do with this longing. so here's my last thought, taken from elizabeth elliot in let me be a woman:

"But we do not choose gifts, remember? We are given them by a divine Giver who knows the end from the beginning, and wants above all else to give us the gift of himself..."

on love and glory...

There's this song I've been listening to on repeat for about a day. I've heard it before many times, but I've been thinking about it much today. A line or two especially stands out, but here are the lyrics:

"If to distant lands I scatter, if I sail to farthest seas, would you find and firm and gather, 'till I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures, would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after, 'till I only dwell in Thee?
If my heart has one ambition, if my soul one goal to seek: this my solitary vision, 'till I only dwell in Thee..."
(Hymn by Brooke Fraser)

The line that especially stands out to me is this: "If I flee from greenest pastures, would you leave to look for me? Forfeit glory to come after, 'till I only dwell in Thee?" I know that when I ask those questions of the Lord, the answer is an unhesitating 'yes.'

Forfeit glory?? What?

Somehow, I think we (myself included) sometimes casually throw around the idea that Jesus came to earth. And died. For us. Maybe we've heard it so much that it's just become something that we can be nonchalant about. Maybe it's too distant to be a reality to our hearts. I don't know, but I do know this: I've had a fresh revelation of His sacrifice and love.

So, being a girl, one of the biggest desires of my heart is to be pursued, adored, and loved completely for the person that I am. I want someone to be willing to do anything for me, just because I mean that much. I would like to be fought for and pursued and shown that I'm worth it in a thousand ways. One of the biggest ways that I look for that is in people who are willing to serve me. I know some fantastic people/guys, many of whom will do lots of servant-y things for me. They help me move. They help me pick out electronics I know nothing about. They run errands for me. They make me laugh when I've had a crappy day. Yet how many guys do I know that are willing to serve me no matter what the cost? Zilch. Every single one of those guys is willing to serve when the reward is great... when it's easy and there's very little sacrifice involved. Maybe they get to be the hero, maybe a bunch of people will notice, or maybe there is a sweet payoff in the end. Either way, the definition of "servant" is lacking because the motive is not love. Which is sometimes frustrating to me, because my heart would like to be genuinely served even when it's hard and the rewards aren't immenent or obvious.

But here's the thing: Jesus loves me like that. I know it sounds cheesy and maybe cliche, but stick with me.

He forfeited GLORY. Now that is the kind of servanthood I'm talking about. There is something straight up epic about a kind of love that would bring Him out of heaven... where He was God... to become a baby. Goodbye glory. Goodbye millions of angels and heavenly creatures worshipping you for all eternity. Literally, He was on top of the world, with everything at His feet. And His choice? To give it all up and become a human baby. Hello suffering. Hello pain. Hello entropy and the need to shower. God chose to become totally dependent on others. There is no glory to being a human in a fallen world. And even more so as a baby... goodbye authority of any kind.

God chose diapers.
Over the glory of heaven.
For me.


That kind of love makes me cry.

How can I even consider not giving a love like that my everything?

love means to love that which is unlovable, or it is no virtue at all...

Today was a day of errand running and lessons learned. I stopped by the local Super Target to get a couple things (and ended up buying new clothes because they were having a MEGA sale… I got a shirt for 87 cents. 87 CENTS! Anyways…). There were several screaming obnoxious children in various parts of the store, but one kid was really outstanding. I wasn’t entirely sure where in the store he was, but I did know that I could hear him no matter where I was (in SUPER Target… just make note). Because the pitch of his voice, most of his words were totally inaudible, but I could make out a frequent repetition of “I want it!!!! I want it!!!!!!!” followed by loud wailing. Seriously, this kid was good. Apparently his temper tantrum wasn’t getting him what he wanted, though, because he continued screaming, wailing, and crying for a good ten minutes. I could see the other customers exchanging glances and making faces. When I got up to the register to pay, this kid ended up being the next cashier over. Whatever he wanted, he wanted bad; as him mom (who looked uber annoyed/embarrassed) tried to push her cart to the door, he flung himself in front of the cart. When that didn’t work, he tried pushing the cart backwards, screaming, “NO! Don’t leave!!!!! I want it!!!!” As I walked out to my car, I could still hear him, but this time it sounded like he had stopped fighting and dissolved into open sobbing. Poor little guy… he must have felt like the world could no longer continue as he knew it.

Later tonight, the Lord brought that image back to me. He very gently (such a gentleman) pointed out to me that I often was that little boy. Everybody in the store (especially his mom, I’m sure) was aware that he probably didn’t need whatever he wanted. Maybe it was candy or junk food or a toy that would end up lost under his bed in three days time. Maybe it was something that would straight up do him harm. Who knows. But the fact was that his mom knew it wasn’t the best for him. Maybe something better would come along… a more fantastic toy at home or a more satisfying snack. Or maybe he wouldn’t get a replacement to sooth the heartache he had felt leaving whatever he desired behind. But however it worked out – his mom refused because she deemed it was for his BEST. Hmmmm… How often do I throw an inward temper tantrum over what I want, dissolving to heartache and tears because I’ve so convinced myself that this object of my affection is necessary for happiness? I frequently cause myself much more pain by refusing to let go. But how childish! To scream and wail over something I want, when I serve a God Who desires to give me the best, Who dreams bigger than I ever could, and Who knows what I truly need. Sometimes, though, that knowledge doesn’t make it any less painful… sometimes what I want just seems so good. Perhaps, though, that is the lesson I must learn: trusting through the pain, choosing sacrifice and growth over immediate gratification, and opting to trust in a Redeemer Who only has good things for me. The reward? HIS best – probably not at all what I expect or think I need, but in the end the greatest gift and biggest dream. And really, isn’t that what I ultimately want? I think yes!

Oh, for grace for the journey…

sometimes, it seems as though no one gets it...

...which is probably true. Although there are a select few, I'd say most do not...

Earlier this week, I asked a friend of mine how her vacation to the Carribean was, to which she replied, "better than your trip to Haiti! It was so relaxing and nice." Of course, I understand her reasoning... and I'm sure that her trip was "better" in the sense that she likely had heated running water and classy food and cush accommodations. But, somehow, it's come to be that I'd take a tent city in Port au Prince or an African slum over a Carribean cruise ANY day...

What is it about the third world that makes me feel so much more at home than in the States? I don't really know - my only answer is simply that I was made for it. But in an attempt to convey my love for the third world, I'll try to make it more clear.

I love the smell of the third world. Weird, I know. I remember not being so fond of this smell the first couple of times I was in Kenya. BO, burning trash, dirty animals, and cooking spices is not, I admit, a pleasant combination. And I discovered this smell is not limited to Africa, but also exists in the DR and Haiti (and the rest of the third world, I imagine)... and I love it. It's a constant, ever present reminder that my heart can rest, my soul can rejoice 'cuz I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

I love sketchy. I do. And all of the variables in the third world mean that it's just a tad sketchy almost all of the time, and I love that. I haven't always. But the third world just has so many adventures that you would never even imagine in the States. Often - to me, at least - it feels as though I get to do so much more living... but I suppose my definition of life is different than many others...

Somehow, it's come to be that I'm so much more at home in the third world...

Update... I'm not going to Haiti....

Hey friends!

I so appreciate all your prayers and support, but I'm not going to Haiti this time around. I couldn't get work off, so I'm hoping to go on a future trip. I'm super sad, but trusting that HE has got this whole thing figured out, even when it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. He is a good and faithful God!

I'll definitely keep you all updated - thanks for the prayers and support!

I'm going to Haiti!!

Hey friends!!

I'm going to Haiti in March, and I'm looking for people to join me in prayer! I don't know dates yet, just that it will be in mid or late march. But here's what I know: I'll be going for ten ish days with nine other nurses and nursing students to help with the medical relief effort in Haiti. We'll be working with an organization called NOAH (I think it's the national organization for advancement of Haitians) that has been working on the ground in Haiti since before the earthquake. I'm stoked - this is why I'm in nursing school!! Expenses will be covered, I just need to get myself to Miami and get my immunizations (which, thankfully, I don't really need many) - so expenses are pretty much taken care of! Praise the Lord!

So - back to where you come in! Could you please be praying with me over this trip?? Here are my main prayer points thus far:
- I need to get my shifts covered at work! I'm working at New Life Church - initially they said that I would have to get my shifts covered to go. We may not have a whole lot of notice before the trip, and New Life's Easter production is the last weekend in march, so it may be hard for me to get shifts covered, especially if it's last minute and over the Easter production weekend. So pray for provision there and for grace from my boss!!! I'm trusting that it will work out - as I know I'm supposed to go!
- The majority of those on the team are not believers, and the organization we're working with is not faith based - so the dynamics of the trip will be a little different than a 'mission trip.' Our leader is a believer (yay!), and I'm excited for opportunities with those on the team as well as Haitians!
- Obviously - pray for Haiti! My heart is broken for this nation, and I'm praying that the Lord will give me His heart for these people. I'm praying that He will be their LIFE and BREATH!

And of course there are many more things, so pray as you are lead! And THANK YOU! I so appreciate your prayers!
Blessings,
Arienne :)

Hello, August...

Hey friends!

This week has been wonderful... I'm enjoying spending my last days here with the kids! This week, I've been impressed to pray three specific things for Kenya, and I'd thought I'd pass it along... pray as you are lead! In no particular order:

Rain! It hasn't rained since last week, and MANY crops, especially in central and rift valley province, have been totally scorched by the sun. Already areas of the country are seeing the effects of the shortage, and the government has started talking about importing maize and other foods into the country. Large portions of Nairobi don't have water, since the water sources that usually supply Nairobi are at less than half normal capacity. This week, we have had sporadic water - today there isn't any. Pray for rains, and pray for provision, as much of the maize and wheat is already gone...

The second concerns the spiritual battle here in Kenya, specifically with the Islamic world. The Islamic population is largely concentrated along the eastern coastal region and the north (if you get out a map, you will see why - Somalia, Sudan, and other Muslim nations border Kenya to the north). Currently, Kenya is in the process of creating a new constitution. The Muslims have started requesting that the new constitution include provision of a Muslim court system, in addition to the current system. Currently, the prime minister and the president share power (equally, theoretically) - the Muslims have also said that the constitution should say that if the prime minister or president is a Christian, then the other leader should be a Muslim. Kenya, along with other subsaharan countries, is seeing an increased Muslim presence coming from the north - the portion of Africa which is considered "Christian" is getting pushed further and further south. I'm praying that the opposite would be true - that the truth of the Gospel will begin to push upward and invade the traditionally Muslim countries! This is significant to me - if the Christian population does not begin to fight - pray and go - the influence of Islam will continue further south!

The third is for the judicial system and government. The cabinet and parliament are currently deciding how to handle those who orchestrated and carried out the post-election violence in early 2008. (If you aren't familiar with this story - basically, there was a controversy surrounding the two main presidential candidates in the last election. The results were controversial, and violence began between the tribes of Kenya, as most people supported the candidate who was from their same tribe. Many were killed and several hundred thousand displaced. A power-sharing government was created, giving equal power to the two candidates, one as the prime minister and one as the president.) Most Kenyans don't want the Kenyan courts to try those who are guilty of creating or carrying out the post-election violence because they don't trust the Kenyan courts to get justice... bribery is currently a pretty effective way to get out of most things. And like many other things in Kenya, it all depends on who you know. After investigation from outside sources, several names related to the post-election violence have been given the International Criminal Court, which is normally used only when a country is unable or unwilling to try those guilty of crimes against humanity. So - my prayer is for justice in the Kenyan court system, the end of corruption in the government and judicial system, and for those in power to value truth and justice.

Thanks for joining me in these prayers :)

Other exciting/noteworthy things that have made me smile this week:

- riding home from Nairobi, I saw a sign that said "Norfolk cares. Free water for donkeys!" which I found pretty ironic, given that many humans are currently lacking water. But apparently it was put there because Limuru is notorious for abusing their donkeys... so I guess they wanted to show the donkeys a little love.

- yesterday I picked avocados with Esther. There's an avocado tree behind the house, and we filled a bag with biiiiig avocados... it was glorious. They won't be ripe until after I leave, but the fact that I can pick 15 huge, delicious avocados from a tree in my back yard makes me smile!

- this afternoon I enjoyed a worship time with the kids – they got out a Bible, and the older ones read/translated for the younger ones. We sang and prayed together, and I love seeing how natural it is for them to seek the Lord – I LOVE learning/growing with them!

- for those of you who know of Jack and Paris – they are siblings I met three years ago in Misri. I have seen them each time I’ve returned, and they both have a super special place in my heart. Today, Jack and Paris came to Miracle House to say hi, and they brought their siblings – the oldest, Duncan, whom I have met before, and the youngest (little!!) one, Bryan, whom I haven’t. They took me to their home to meet their mom (their dad was working, so I wasn’t able to meet him), and when we walked in, Paris said, “Mom, we brought Jack’s mzungu!” It was a very special time for me, to be welcomed into this family so fully! It was also good for me to see where they live – Jack and Paris are well cared for, and they have both parents – a rarity in Misri. I’m thankful for that, and thankful for this incredible family that has such a special place in my heart!

Today I had to say goodbye to several of the older primary school children, as I won’t see them next week before I leave, and I’m realizing how hard it’s going to be to leave! This trip has been incredible, and I’m thankful for the family and community the Lord has given me here.

And I’m thankful for you - thanks for your prayers and friendship! I love you all bunches!

Rain, the Madness That is Nairobi, and Other Exciting Things!

HEY friends!

This is just a super quick update... but I have a couple exciting things to share!

First - for those of you who prayed for rain, it DUMPED last night! So, yay GOD! He definitely heard your prayers :) It poured for several hours, for the first time in over three weeks! A coincidence? I don't think so!!! Your prayers ARE powerful and effective!

Secondly - yesterday I was able to go with a friend, a Kenyan national who is a nurse at a Nairobi clinic, to Nairobi and hang around a clinic! It was a wonderful experience... I spent time with the nursing staff, the clinical officer (basically the equivalent of a physician's assistant), the laboratory staff, the pharmacy, and the VCT center (Voluntary Counseling and Testing - for HIV). It was way cool - I got to see the various roles of the health care professionals, experience an African health care setting, and work with patients a little (my favorite!). It was wonderful to be back in the health care setting... I didn't realize how much I missed it! (And now I'm getting pumped for school!) Not to mention the adventure of actually getting to the clinic and home... Nairobi is SO busy - I would have been completely lost if I hadn't been with Edna! There were people everywhere - total craziness, but I enjoyed getting to experience Nairobi!!

This next week I'll be enjoying my time with the MH kids... there's a slight chance that I'll be able to go to Webuye to hang out with the MH fam there - I'm hoping it works out!

Thank you for your prayers! Continue to pray for rain... and as you are lead!

Love you, friends! Thanks for being so faithful to support and encourage me!

...teach me how to hum it, 'cuz I don't know the words yet...

Hey friends!!

The climate here finally remember that it's July... meaning that it's been cold this week! It hasn't rained in the last three weeks, though, and much of Kenya is very dry. There's already talk a food shortages, as much of the maize and wheat in the country has dried up, and many farmers are reporting very small harvests. Kenya has already started importing extra maize in preparation... pray for rain and provision!!!

Life here has been good... I'm sorta dreading August 5th, when I'll be getting on an airplane to head home! I had a touch of a cold earlier in the week, but I'm feeling much better - praise the Lord! I'm thankful that the Lord has kept me so healthy this whole time!

Here is a portion of a journal entry/prayer I had written earlier this week:

I'm thankful that You humble me when I think I've got it all figured out. I'm thankful that You challenge me when I start to get comfortable. I'm thankful that You work marvelous things in spite of my mistakes. I'm thankful that Your faithfulness always prevails, even in sticky/less than fantastic situations. I'm thankful that the world is in Your hands - that nothing happens outside of Your knowledge. I'm thankful that when I have my control-freak-this-is-not-how-I-wanted-it moments, You remind me of Your sovereignty, faithfulness, and unfailing love. And as much as I'd love to hear Your ten year plan for my life, I wouldn't trade this adventure of walking with you for anything. You're teaching me the beauty in adventure and the refinement that comes with risk. Walking hand-in-hand with You over unknown, unseen trails is entirely different than walking through places of comfort and routine, where it is easy to forget I need to hold Your hand to know the way. There, I find it tempting - easy, even - to wonder off, seek my own way, and make my own plans. My path of choice would be direct, straight to the intended destination. Yet Your way often wiggles and zigzags, sometimes seeming to turn completely away from what (in my mind, at least) is the the goal. But this is where Your plan is higher and greater: beauty is often discovered around those corners that seem to be detours. The zigzags and wiggles build faith, the obstacles character. And if nothing else, I'm given the joy of walking with You, of learning to hold Your hand and listen to Your voice, of simply being in Your presence. And when, or if, we get to what I thought was the destination, I know that I will be more prepared because of those detours. Really though, this revelation also exposes one of my flaws: my goal-oriented self tends to miss the beauty in the journey, the lessons in the things that seem, to me, to not be part of the plan. Yet growth happens in the journey. Intimacy is cultivated. I am made to be more fully me - more fully the woman You have made and called me to be. I think You know me well enough to know that if You revealed all that You had for me, I'd probably panic and start planning now. I'd start making lists and phone calls. I'd totally miss the journey - in reality, Your perfect preparation - but I'd be 'ready' and 'organized.' I think You chuckle as You watch me frantically try in my own strength to be good enough or smart enough or worthy enough for the callings You've placed on my life. You smile, take my hand, and lead me to a peaceful place of rest. "Haven't you remembered? I've already called you righteous - approved by God. I knew exactly who you were when i first called you, and I know exactly who you are going to be. I have plans and adventures, yes, but my greatest desire is to give you Myself and for you to be fully Mine." So teach me to find the beauty in the journey. Teach me to seek those lessons You desire to teach me, teach me to listen to Your voice and be sensitive to Your leading. Teach me how to live the 'life of faith' - one day at a time, and truly lived.


Love you all... thanks for your prayers :)



Jane, Dennis, me... being silly :)















ok... THIS one's silly :)












Gideon, George, Njogu, and Dennis... walking to Imani for some recess!














Me and Jack! YAY! I saw him again this trip, which makes me super happy! He's getting SO big!











Jack! With his adorable toothless smile!

Good gifts... and other random thoughts :)

Hey friends!!

Today is a LOVELY sunny day – seriously, it’s beautiful here! It’s actually very much on the warm side… which is uncharacteristic for July, but I love it!

Life here is good – busy, somehow, but I’m loving it! Time is going by so fast: last week the BFI team was here for a day, and it was SO great to connect with them for some ministry time at MH! They had some great things to share/impart to the MH kids, and it was fun to see them jump in with two feet and eagerly desire to learn more! It was also wonderful to connect with BFI friends – even more so ‘cuz we were in Africa!

Recently, I’ve been contemplating: things of value and worth usually come at a high price. But how often do I expect things of eternal value to come easily or without a fight? We are called to pay the ultimate price – to lay down our lives, take up our cross, and follow Him. Yet, so often, I get frustrated when I discover that the things the Lord has asked of me aren’t easy to accomplish. Usually, they require stretching and growing – they are uncomfortable and hard, but in the end SO worth it. Things of beauty and strength, I feel, are produced from refining fires and testing experiences. Strength does not develop from easy tasks; rather, it comes from continually working at something that is just beyond the current skill or strength level. And beauty and purity – they come from refining fires and (sometimes painful) removal of that which corrupts and stains. And is that not what the Lord desires? To give us clean hands and pure hearts? He loves us as we are, but completely refuses to let us stay there… He constantly desires, working with our “yes’s,” to mold us and shape us, making us more like Him. And His ultimate goals and plans are eternal – which means they will often be achieved at a high price. SO – if the Lord is continually desiring to grow me and mold me, and He is constantly asking me to choose that which is in His ETERNAL plan – the road is often hard. Thankfully, though, that’s not the end of the story (whew… if so, I think I would have turned in the towel a long time ago!). He promises to be with me, every step of the way. He promises to equip me to do that which He has called me. He promises to provide, protect, and lead… AMAZING! Each day, He invites me to walk with Him – it’s glorious. Every second, He has been here – He’s NEVER left my side! I cannot say that about a single friend – simply because as humans we just can’t be perfect like that.

So, I’m thankful for the wonderful gifts – the fulfillment of His promises – the Lord sends each day. He sends His joy, His peace, His protection, His strength – and, above all, He sends His presence. I’m loving this life – despite it’s challenges and struggles, despite sometimes wondering how on earth He got the idea that I could do some of the things He’s asked, despite the fact that it is sometimes hard – it is SO worth it. Worth it because I get to love on HIS kids – I love watching them laugh and learn and seek. Worth it because I get to hear story after story of those He has created – it’s amazing to realize that hearts can connect despite continents or languages or cultures. And in the end, I’d rather take the narrow, difficult path and affect eternity that choose the easy road and get by on time.

This has been a semi-random update – but I suppose that a blog is just an online journal… right? Thanks for letting me share my heart – and thanks for praying :) You are amazing, and I’m SO thankful for you! I’ll leave you with this thought from Elizabeth Elliot (from Let Me Be a Woman):

“But we do not choose gifts, remember? We are given them by a divine Giver who knows the end from the beginning, and wants above all else to give us the gift of Himself. This gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived – not always looked forward to as thought the ‘real’ living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.”

Pictures and Stories... :)

OUR LAND!! Miracle House Base Camp in Nakuru... YAY! This photo doesn't really do it justice... the land is amazing, the view is amazing...









Webuye falls with Stephen, Rachael, and Jeremy - FANTASTIC friends!













Carrie and I at Webuye falls!













Best girls... I love these ladies!! Me, Sam, Rachael, and Deanna!












This photo defines our personalities, I think... I love it!




















My Kenyan brother - Stephen! He is on staff at our Webuye location... he is a wonderful father figure for the kids!
















Gilbert! Another Kenyan brother, who is also the guard at MH Webuye - he is also wonderful with the kids!











Laureen (MH Limuru) and her younger sister, Shira! SO stinkin' cute in their matching dresses and shoes!


















A cousin of Benson - cutie!

















Erastus (MH Webuye) with his new toy :)


















Eglah (daughter of teacher Emily at MH Webuye) with Emmanuel, one of the greatest drivers/friends ever! Emmanuel is truly part of our team - he spends so much time with the kids, and they all know him by name!















Rachael with Alex!














Syprose! She was originally at our MH Limuru location, but after the tribal clashes in January of '08, she had to move west. She is now at our MH Webuye location!















Isabella!



















Nancy... smiling up at Jesus :)






















Hey friends!!

Today has been a beautiful, sunny day (uncharacteristic for July), and I’m thinking of all of you State-siders celebrating the Fourth! Happy Independence Day :) Today I’m thanking the Lord for the freedom and rights I experience as a US citizen… I’m learning more and more what it’s like for those who don’t know such freedoms.

Yesterday, Deanna and Sam flew out, and they are almost to American soil. A team of 23 high schoolers was here this week from Calvary Community Church – it was WAY cool to do ministry with them and hear their hearts! They did a couple days of awesome children’s ministry in Limuru, as well as prayer walking. They did an awesome job, and it was very cool for me to get to know them and process with them!

I am now back at Pastor Sammy and Eve’s, trying to catch up on a week of no sleep :) Today I went to Miracle House – the kids already miss everyone, and were asking about Mum Deanna and Samantha especially. They were singing songs they learned this week from Calvary – I love watching them apply the things they have learned! Our oldest girl, Jane, received a Bible and a journal this past week – today I absolutely LOVED watching her pull out her Bible and her notebook (in which she had already written Bible study notes), sit the other children down, and begin to teach them from the Word. WAY cool… pray that Jane continues to grow and seek the Lord!

Today, when I was walking with Francis, he told me about three orphans who have been staying with him for the past three days. They came from southern Kenya looking for an aunt, but have been unable to find her. Francis said that the women in the village tried to drive them out – as street children, they were not trusted. Francis is trying to find someplace more permanent for them to stay, but my heart breaks for these children (in grades 1, 4, and 6) who literally have no one caring for them. Pray for their provision and protection! I would love to say that Miracle House could take them in – but at the moment we need sponsors for the children we have! Pray that we get more sponsors so that we can meet more of the GREAT need in this community!

Random, exciting story – I saw Paris and Jack this past week! I had been looking for them since I came, but had not seen them until last Saturday. I met Paris and Jack in the summer of 2006, and I have seen them every trip since. In 2006, I connected with Paris (then in grade 3 or 4) and Jack (then about 3) separately and found out later that they were siblings. Last Saturday, I saw Jack in a crowd of other kids and called out his name – he smiled but didn’t come right over. He was a little shy, but he came up and held my hand with a smile on his face! He spoke enough English for me to find out that he is in nursery school (kindergarten) and that Paris was at home. I held his hand for a few minutes before returning to Miracle House. A few minutes later, I peaked outside to see that he had gone to get Paris. She recognized me right away and gave me a hug. When I asked them both if they remembered me, they smiled and Paris said, “Auntie Arienne!” I was SO thankful I got to see them, hold them, tell them I love them, and pray over them! Yay, God!

This is getting to be long, but here are some other highlights of my time since I last wrote:
- worshipping with Kenyan believers on Mount Elgon – very cool to realize that we are family since we serve the same Father!
- flying over Misri slum on the way to Eldoret with Deanna – SO cool to see it/pray over it from the air!
- watching our Miracle House kids step into ministry more and more. They have a heart of prayer for their community, and I love watching them seek the Lord and challenge others to do the same!

The next several weeks, I will be spending most of my time in Limuru, but I’m also hoping to spend a week in Webuye. I’ll also be able to update more consistently now that I’m back at Sammy and Eve’s. Thank you for your continued prayers and support… I’m so thankful for each one of you!

A speedy fast recap of two weeks with the team!

HEY friends! The following was written last Sunday (the 21st), but the internet stopped working before I could post it... so here ya go! This week thus far has been incredibly busy... but I've enjoyed getting some admin stuff done with Deanna, flying (!!) to Webuye, and spending time with our kids and staff! Since this was a long update to begin with, I'll just leave you with a recap of my two weeks with the team:



The past two weeks with the team have been amazing/incredible/busy! Last night (Saturday) five of the team made it to the airport and actually on to their plane - they were supposed to leave Friday night, but the airplane that was supposed to 'pick' them hit an antelope on the runway when it was landing... which I still think is hilarious (no one was hurt... except probably the antelope). Only in Africa :)



Today and tomorrow, Deanna and I are getting some administrative jobs done in Limuru/Nairobi. This morning we sent the remaining five team members west to Webuye. Jeremy will be doing pastor training, and Rachael and the girls will be getting lots of paperwork and administrative stuff done, along with spending more time with the kids and working with guardians to complete child files! Depending on how much we get done today and tomorrow, Deanna and I are hoping to fly west tomorrow night or Tuesday.



The time with the team was amazing! We did and experienced so much, I'm having a hard time picking out the things to tell you! We spent time at both MH locations, visited the MH land (!!!!! - more on that later!), ministered in Misri slum, and went up Mount Elgon for evangelism and food distribution. It was amazing to see the team come together and minister together - we had such a great combo of giftings and strengths. And, selfishly, I must say that it was wonderful to be in my favorite place with many of my closest friends! Now I will attempt to give you some of the 'snapshots' of the trip (from my point of view at least!):



One of my favorite moments was getting to walk on OUR land! I had seen pictures, but my feet hadn't actually walked on the ground - it was WAY cool to walk/run/dance on the land and picture doing the same with our kids! The land is beautiful and green and so peaceful... not to mention the breathtaking view. It's quickly becoming one of my favorite places! We spent some time as a team worshiping and praying on the land... which was a super special time for me! It's been amazing to see how He's brought Miracle House in the past three years! And I love how His presence/peace/joy rests there... mmm mmm good!



Visiting Mount Elgon was incredible! Mount Elgon is a region that has had a lot of instability in the past - lots of tribal clashes, so as a result many native to Mount Elgon have been displaced. They are considered an unreached people group as it is fairly remote. This is also a very special place to me because it was on Mount Elgon three years ago that God gave me His heart for the nations! We were able to do two ministry sites and Gospel presentations. At the second site, I was speaking my portion of the Gospel presentation, praying over the people and making eye contact with those in the crowd. I kept making eye contact with one man who was listening attentively. I felt like God was saying, "This one - I want this one to know Me!" I know He feels that about each person, but He let me feel it especially for that man. When Jeremy and Pastor Sammy were leading the response time, I was praying for him specifically. It was obvious by his face and posture that he 'got it,' and when the crowd was invited to respond, he raised his hand indicating that he wanted to know the Lord! I watched and prayed as he prayed to become a follower of the Lord... it was a very cool moment!



One morning in Misri, we went prayer walking with our kids through the slum. We were also going to do a children's ministry time in the afternoon, so we were also inviting all the children that we encountered. It was very cool to see our MH kids praying over those in their community and inviting the children to the ministry time. I specifically remember Joseph Muthiora, who is nine years old, walking in a small housing compound and making a point to lay his hands on each child (there were several) and say "God bless you" as he prayed for them. I love getting to watch our kids minister to those in their community. They are growing up as passionate followers of the Lord! LOVE it!



It was also amazing for me to be at the MH Webuye location! The last time I was here, the team built the building - now there are 36 children! It was so fun to begin to get to know each one of them - I'm still learning all the names and faces! The staff is great, too! They work SO hard, and it's very cool to see the resulting transformation in the children. In Webuye, we were also able to connect with many of 'Pastor Sammy's boys' - many of whom have been our translators in the past. They are like brothers to me and their wives are like sisters... so it was like being with family again!



I could go on and on... God did so much in the last two weeks! Continue to pray for safety, health (we've had a few passing sicknesses, and I have a several pretty large/yucky bug bites), divine encounters, God's best and His will to prevail, and His power to move!



Thanks so much for your prayers - I'm so thankful to know that you all are standing with me!

Part two of the adventure begins...

Hey friends!

I just got back from Miracle House, and I'm all packed and ready to 'pick' the team from the airport tonight!! Pastor Sammy and I leave in an hour or so (ok, let's be honest... it's Africa... probably two hours, maybe three!) to run some errands before heading to the airport! I'm excited to pick up nine more mzungus! The MH kids are excited, too - today they were beside themselves!

I also wanted to let you know that I'm going to have slighlty more limited access to the internet/computers over the next (busy) month. I'll try to update on here when I can, but you can follow the MH team's blog at www.miracle-house.org/blog. The MH blog will be updated frequently with all of our happenings :) I'll be with at least a portion of the MH team until July 3. The MH blog already has a prayer calender, too - so you can follow what we'll be up to!

Thank you so much for reading and praying thus far - know that I feel and appreciate your prayers! Pray for this next leg with the team - for unity, divine encounters, and God to work through/in us in powerful ways!

:)

Thankful for...

Hey friends!

This week has already been wonderful, and it's only Wednesday! The team comes Saturday night (booyah!), and I'm super excited to see them and experience Kenya with them! I know that God has some incredible things for us... yeah!

Today I'm especially thankful - for many things! I've been reflecting this week - my time here thus far has gone by SO fast, but I'm thankful for many new friends and experiences! My blessings/stories/thoughts for this week so far:
- Today I met a family from Korea; they have lived here six months as missionaries! They know only a little English, but it was fun to connect over shared hearts for Kenya... even though we couldn't communicate all that much! It's amazing to me how God can join hearts despite language barriers :)
- I realized today how many new Kenyan friends I've made... workers who maintain the bracken road where I walk, Brackenhurst employees, matatu conductors, and Misri residents have all become part of my community, and I love it!
- Today I met a Kenyan who studied in the States and Europe, who is now studying malaria and mosquitos here. He gave me some good info to connect with medical possibilities - yay for divine encounters!
- Random funny story - this morning I was riding the matatu to Misri. We stopped to 'pick' some more passengers, and the conductor flung the side sliding door open... and it fell off! It was hilarious, and it took the conductor, the driver, and a passenger to get it back on. Needless to say, my trip to Misri took a little longer than usual this morning, but I've been giggling about it all day :)
- The first couple of weeks were amazing, but a little hard/lonely. Although I'm constantly surrounded by people, it was a little weird for me being the only mzungu. This week, though, I really feel that I'm establishing my community here - it's been amazing, and I'm so thankful for the Kenyan friends HE has given me! This week, I suppose everything just started to click... I'm feeling more Kenyan by the minute :) LOVE it!

Prayer requests:
- many of our MH kids are sick... the weather has been so rainy/cold! Pray for their healing - I've been hearing lots of coughing and sniffling. Pray also for those who aren't sick - that they would remain healthy!
- The team comes on Saturday - pray for their training/immersion time today and tomorrow and for safe travels Friday and Saturday! I'm very expectant for this time... pray for unity, divine encounters, and many hearts to be changed!
- Continued safety! I'm so thankful that each day the Lord reminds me that HE is my protector and provider... I can honestly say He has enabled me to walk the paths He has for me without fear - yay!

I'm thankful for each one of you, too - I am blessed with such wonderful friends! I pray that you have a wonderful week!

Week Two!

Lucy! She is always laughing or smiling... I love it!

More laughing (we do a lot of it)... Susan and Jane!

Jacintah rocking Misri fashion: Disney shirt, pink floral skirt... and gum boots!

Gedion and Benson!

Benson - he is a completely different boy than when I was last here... in a good way! In Emily's words "he can now afford to smile!"

Florence and Susan - in Saturday (cleaning day) clothes!

Friends - Steven, Ken, and John!

Brothers - Njogu and Ken! Njogu had been eating some kind of candy... thus the pink lips!

Christian - haha, he is such a cutie!

It was POURING rain - it was so loud on the roof that you had to shout to be heard... Muthiora and Njogu plugging their ears!

Already I have been here two weeks! Today is brilliantly sunny, and I’m thankful because it is the first time I’ve seen blue sky this week! Time is going by SO fast – I’m learning/doing/seeing so much, and already the team will be here in one week! Some snapshots of my time so far:
- Riding the matatu to and from the slum has been an adventure! One day this week, our matatu stopped running, so all the men had to bail so they could help bump start it… you’d think that if you participated in pushing your matatu up the road, you would get some sort of discount. No such luck!
- Some of the conductors on the matatus are starting to remember me (not that it’s hard… I’m pretty sure I’m the only mzungu (white person) who rides the matatus into Limuru town and back every day). Anyway, yesterday when I got on in the morning, the conductor asked, “Farma’s?” I replied in swahili that yes, I would be stopping at Farma’s. He laughed, and when I got off he said, “You are welcome, my dear.” Today, the conductor on my ride back to Brackenhurst made sure that the driver took me all the way to the gate, instead of stopping at the actual stop a couple hundred feet up the road. I appreciated it, and he said, “See you tomorrow!” as I started walking up the road.
- My time with the kids at Miracle House has been wonderful. I’m still teaching a little for grade 2 – I love it, and the kids are SO stinkin’ smart! (Not that I’m biased or anything…) Thursday, when I arrived at MH, Emily explained that my second grade class had asked her to tell me that I shouldn’t return to America, but I should stay and be their ‘teacha’ instead. They make me smile! They speak and understand so much English! Today, I told them a story - The Three Little Pigs, and Lucy and Njogu translated for me for the younger ones!
- I’m learning more and more how deeply tribalism is rooted in many Kenyan people. After the post-election violence in December of 2007, there has been a huge push to be united as Kenyans, not as tribes. Today, I was discussing American and Kenyan presidents with the elementary and middle school MH students. I asked them if they could have voted in the past election, which candidate they would have chosen. Lucy, who is in middle school, replied that she would have voted for Kibaki because he was the same tribe; if she would have voted for Odinga, from another tribe, she said that it would not be safe – it would cause violence, stealing, and fighting. Pray against this attitude about other tribes!
- Francis, the Miracle House guard, is quickly becoming one of my favorite people. Every day, he meets me at the matatu stop at the base of the slum and walks with me to Miracle House – a short but incredibly steep trek into the slum. In the afternoons, he comes to take me back to the matatu stop, sometimes coming early if “the rains are coming.” “I am your bodyguard!” he says with a smile, lifting his arms and shoulders as if to make himself appear bigger. Everyone knows Francis – literally; to each person we meet, he is know as “Mzee,” a term used for the wise and respected older man. He greets children and adults, and he knows each one of our MH kids by name. Often, we meet an MH child on our way, and they usually rush to hold his hand while they walk (sometimes they are brave enough to hold my hand – dangerous, since I am not nearly as good at climbing up muddy Farma’s hill as Francis is!). Through his broken English, I have learned that he has eight children of his own, and nine grandchildren. I am so thankful for the time that he invests in Miracle House, and especially thankful for his willingness to be my ‘bodyguard’ for these weeks!
- Lastly (and probably most importantly) I’m learning much about the Lord! He is certainly much more concerned about the condition of my heart and my relationship with Him than He is about my comfort – hard, but good! As He is the only other person who is truly fluent in American English, we have been doing lots of talking :) Something about the hill I walk each morning and afternoon reminds me of Pride and Prejudice (the newer movie) – green hills, big trees, and morning mist… picture the sunrise scene at the end! Anyways, the other afternoon I was walking home, in a little bit of a lonely mood, and He met with me and walked with me and talked with me. As we walked, He sent a refreshing, light drizzle and a shower of falling yellow leaves. It was fantastic, and each day I’ve truly sensed His presence, His friendship, and His pursuit. Mmmmm… my favorite!

Overall, my time has been wonderful! Things you can pray for:
- Continued safety!
- Preparation for both me and the team (nine people) that will be arriving in one week – they start immersion training on Wednesday!
- I somehow managed to get a bunch of bug bites… I think I may have a bug-friend or two in the bed! Nothing large or serious, but super itchy and all over! Pray that this week I wouldn’t get anymore!
- Time to connect with those who live in the slum – I am loving being with the kids and teachers, but I am also hoping to connect with guardians and other Misri residents!

Thanks for your prayers and support, friends!! You all are amazing, and I’m thankful for each one of you!